Passions Alight!

FOREWORD:

I haven't blogged since May. thats pretty long ago that is! Its not so much as I've forgotten, more that I can never finish a post. I have loads of unfinished ones saved to my blog that I wrote since then and also a bunch from before. None of them are babd as such but I'm just not happy with them so I ve decided to not read them until I've forgotten what they re about (which won't take too long, me being my forgetful self)then read them and edit them with a clear mind: something I don't really have at the moment.

When this happens a lot of well formulated thought filled posts are going to come your way but until then I'm going to just vent a little over here. As I mentioned earlier my head needs a little emtying.


THE ACTUAL BLOG POST:

What I've been thinking about a lot lately are two things. (not obsessing or anything they ve just been popping into my head motre than other things) The first is Passions.
Everyone is supposed to have a passion for something whether super strong (here I think of my friend lisa who will one day be in a west end musical, or will die trying:- hopefully the fore) or relatively weak (not weak weak because after all it is a passion. Despite this some people often feel a little empty because they 'don't know their passion'. I say don't know it instead of don't have one because almost everyone believes that these people simply haven't found their passion yet.
People sometimes try to decifer their passion from their lives, considering every enjoyable activity they partake in. This I believe as incorrect as if you have found your passion you will know; no thought required.
I have not found my passion. I do not know whether to believe I ever will to be perfectly honost. I'm not being negative here, simply straight forward. For all I know I'll discover it tomorrow though I doubt that to be very likely. Maybe my passion exists but I will never find it. Maybe it doesn't exist, maybe I was made passionless. All I know is that it is not in my life at present and I have no clue whatsoever as to what it may be.
This is actually what I often think of: what might my passion be? what can I imagining myself enjoying to such an extent that I would call it a passion? There are many things I love doing but none are a passion. Sometimes I feel certain I will never have one... that it is not within my character to be passionate about anything. This case is held down by how bluntly I see things. I have a tendancy to see things from almost no point of view, and sometimes I think that this is a quality that will drown a passion. Seeing it from noones eyes but simply as it is. I honostly hope i have a passion as it can really bring joy into a persons life. Hardship too, but still joy. Highs with lows are better than flat ground I think.

One more thing:: I've decided that I want my blog to be a little more interactive... it makes it more fun (: SO questions
Do you have a passion? If yes: What? If no: Do you believe everyone will eventually find one/ some people dont have/ dont know? And of course any additional points you would like to add are always interesting (:


Mischief Managed.

The True Length of Eternity... and other ramblings

So, recently i realised how... well, you know when you were little and someone old and wise (not necassarily but most likely oldER and wisER than you at the time) would mention just how short the lifespan of a human being is. And you and any of your equally young and equally ignorant little friends would be like 'short?! Now a fly i get, i mean two days is not that much but 80 years?! That like 10 times my age! thats like eternity!' Now i'm guessing you're looking at that and thinking 'geez, even ten times my age now is like nothing' Which is true. It is nothing (well, practically)... especially compared with eternity. But even if not compared to the unfathomable thought of eternity. You see we never really will understand eternity. A ten year old can relate to a decade and up to twice that. Aa fifty year old can relate to half a century, anything less and a fair amount more too, and so it goes on. But, even if we were immortal, there would always be a number to our age. It could be anything from ten to seven thousand six hundred and fifty eight. there would ALWAYs be that number. Even if we were to forget the exact number (surely it would happen to some after a few millenia of existence) but it could still be told roughly. you would still know you werent born 2 days ago but say 3 millenia and either 4 or 5 tens of thousand.
This whole argument in my head sprouted quite lamely from a comment, scratch that, from 'like'ings of a comment on a facebook fan group. This group was about dreams and things about them (were you aware that every face you see in a dream is the face of a real person you once saw, whether you remember them or not?) So the founder of this fan group encouraged people to write strange dreams or realisations about dreams on the wall and i decided to take a look at a few of them. The first thing i noticed was that barely any of the many stories had been 'like'ed and almost none commented on. The second thing i noticed was that those that had been 'like'ed were either romantic (i dreamt i met this girl and ten years later i married her) or required it (like if this happens to you too!) but the one that had been 'like'ed most was one that said

I like to imagine that after we die we end up in our dreamworld

and i was awed by this statement. I mean after all, i think everyone has at the very least guessed that dreams are more likely negative than positive and that the most common emotion felt whilst dreaming is anxiety. I was so amazed at what people would rather spend eternity in (for example a mainly negative ever-changing world in which nothing is what it seems and the only things that make sense are those that don't aka dreamworld) Rather than simply live a good life.

I may continue this someday but for today, I'm out. (the fact that its about one or two in the morning may have affected this decision)

Mischeif Managed!

Barefoot so they don't have to [=

Oh how I wish for a pair of TOMS of my own... so, for those who don't know, today April 8th is the 'day without shoes'. You see, in the world there are millions of people who, unlike us, can't afford even a single pair of shoes. TOMS is a company that sells shoes, but here is the great part: for every one pair of shoes they sell, they give a matching set to a child who owns none. Shoe for Shoe. So today people all around the world are going barefoot, making a statement. The idea is that when people see you walking along, going about your usual business, barefoot, they'll ask questions and when they ask you get to answer.

I know its been an AGE since i blogged, and also this isn't much of one but I've been pretty busy, I turned sixteen last thursday (yes april first, yes april fools, now shh!)and had a mad hatter's tea party to celebrate which took loads of preparation. Another point to consider is my Olevels, which i should be studying for.
But i WILL make an effort to blog more often, i mean seriously?! more than a month!!


Alison [=

Mischeif Managed!

Random Thoughts whilst Making a Sandwich

Whilst doing things that require little thought, my brain tends to stray far and wide and somehow i often find myself in the middle of a scene, as if from a movie or a book. I thought i may as well jot one down, for memory's sake.

Backstory:: I had been grabbed by someone i didn't know. I was noone special and i wondered what all this was about. It didn't feel at all serious for some reason. I was talking casually to my captor, unbound and free to move though the place i was in (some kind of empty storage house) was unfamiliar to me and i didn't feel the need to try and run.

My mind caught up with my imagination mid conversation.

My captor had stopped pacing up and down a few meters away from me and was staring at me incredilously.
"so, you... YOU are the living, breathing granddaughter of... of..."(to be quite honost i never really thought up the name or reason for fame of this grandmother)
"I am, that is, unless you kill me," I joked," then i'd be her dead, rotting granddaughter!"
"It does make you think twice about doing it, doesn't it?" my captor thought aloud.
still, I did not feel reason to be scared. The truth didn't even flicker in my head.
"Doing what?" I asked, honostly curious.
My captor frowned at my aparent cluelessness, aparently bewildered i hadn't worked it out for myself, i had after all been the one to bring up the subject.
"Kill you, of course." was the snappy reply i receaved in the same tone of someone busy in thought mutters the answer to a silly question asked by a child.
"Oh." My situation finally seemed more real, yet the shock or fear still hadn't reached me. Our conversation was too casual. It didn't make sense! After all, who was i to be wanted dead? A mutter of my captor brought me back to earth.
"No, its true.. she wouldn't have wanted it..."
"Who?"
"Your grandmother... she was si=uch a kind caring woman. And if... if..."
My captor looked up at me with curiosity like dark vaccumed holes in his eyes.
"Is it true that you are the only decendant?"
"Yes."
Having receaved his answer, my captor looked down again snd continued muttering in deep thought.
"The Legacy... I can't... can I?... she wouldn't have... no,no... but what if..."
Out of nowhere i said,"She wouldn't have wanted it, would she?"
This was answered by another depply thoughtful glance and a shaken head.
"No, she wouldn't have."
"Then what are we going to do?"




Aaaaaand thats when i realised the toastie was going to get burnt and saved its life.

Mischief Managed!

TO THE BOOKS!!! ~ me and my incredible incapibility to study

documentation of this incapibilty

so, i have my bio mock tomorrow... slept over at a friend last night... went to pizza hut for lunch... uploaded pictures when i got home... ITS 4.30!!!!
I'd better start studying now... (yes i said start... although i had attempted to start a few weeks back too... hmmm....) *gets file* i feel like an orange *eats orange*. Okay so open file, vascular plants, very interesting... i m gonna quickly check facebook...*starts singing camebridge facebook song* *sees file* oh yeah!! haha look at what i wrote there... ahh yes i wanted to check my youtube subscriptions! ferns. right. Its Sunday! i can eat sweets *runs to room for jelly belly pack & m&ms* jelly beans, jelly beans, hmmhmhm jelly beans... oooh harry potter audiobooks! *finds tab with paused youtube video suggested by subcribed person, watches it, likes it, watches another two by the same person*

FOCUS YOU'RE MEANT TO BE checking hp. oooh yeah its uppp!! *begins listening* NOW you should be studying ali!!! after getting distracted by the hp, i glance at the file wincing with guilt when i notice all i've read is the largest title on the page.

now i'm beginning to feel like i'm writing the lamest blog post yet...
I'll continue one of the many saved better ones soon....

thanks to all who actually bothered to read so much of my unstudying and i hope this is a suitable explenation to all those who don't understand how not to study...

Mischief Managed!

Mulled Wine

and with a dog on my lap i begin. Sometimes when there's so much to do, and so little to think about our minds fill with a whole pile of often pretty useless crap, but under it all there often sits something true. Sometimes our heads fill up with the words spoken to us through friends or songs rather than the words of our own. And this can be good. Its different, its seeing different things different ways. You learn different things about yourself this way.
Personally, i mull over things a lot. I think about things, edit them and work on my thoughts like an author works on their unfinished book. This, i have decided, is both a good and a bad thing. I wont go into that because, well, its my bl0g and i dont want to XD...
Exams have been pretty examinish.. and i really really really need to learn to study. as in how to convince myself to study. as in to sit down open a file and learn. But being my mad little self this is not a possibility.
another thing i've been thinking about is that when someone is upset or distracted they are often advised to 'leave this world' for a little while through portals mainly books or possibly movies or other things. But sometimes its like we need quite the opposite. we need to stop wishing our lives to be like those of wizards gods narnians angels but of real solid harassable human beings. They act like its harder, to face your enemies in person. Like going on quests is a horrible thing. That facing your fear to help others is the hardest thing you can do, but this is not true. To face an enemy that never shows his face, an enemy so sneaky that none but One can see through his plans in many cases. To go on a quest that may not be a quest or that may be leading in the wrong direction. to face a fear when there is no solid proof this act will affect anyone. That is hard. That is horrible and That is dangerous.

Mischief Managed. Alison

Tom Marvolo Riddle

it began as he was sitting in the dreadful ophanage room by himself as usual. they were't allowed other boys in their rooms, not that it would have made much difference if they had. nobody liked him, they thought him a freak and ignored him. at first they had been nice, but after a while his strange unusual attributes had caused some to fear him and other to bully him. that had been long ago. now all he recieved was indifference marked only slightly by fear and loathing, strengthened by the recent incident. some of the new matrons cared about him and tried to be nice, but after eleven years of being treated as he had been his eyes had grown cold and he honostly no longer cared. circumstances were not how one would image. he did not go to sleep with a wish for change. he did not wake up with false hope. his life was a monotone.
he had not been mistreated. he was given more than enough food though he didnt eat much of it. the social workers often arranged interviews for possible parents but all walked off with fear in their eyes after seeing such death alive in his eyes.
his was a sad story, though most did not know. he himself was not aware of the facts. it was that very out of the ordinary day which brought him the facts.
he was at his desk when he heard the door open. this was not unusual. there were no secrets here and therefore no knocking. he did not turn around. it would be the woman who volunteered to clean. if it had been anyone else his name would have been called over the sound system. he was surprised when he heard an unfamiliar man's voice say his name. what surprised him most was that the man had used his christian name, not his surname as all others did. he turned his head and slowly turned around in time to see the head of the orphanage walk back to her office after muttering something to the man. and what an unusual man he was. he wasnt extremely old yet had a long fine beard of a colour almost silver. he was tall and slender and had bright twinkling blue eyes behing his spectacles. he was wearing a strange sort of robe. there wasn't another word for it really. it was of a deep shade of bright blue with gold thread embroidered along the edges.but this was not the strangest thing. far from it. what was strangest was the look on this mans face. it was a look of concern, but not the type tom was used to recieving from strangest but a sort of loving, all-knowing concern.
this was his beginning.


alison (:

Mischeif Managed!

Vair Vair Amusant

I am totally and utterly pleased with my new laptop ^^ tre' awersomeeee :D :D. Chatting to andy on skype atm its vair vair vair amusant. haha :: i m reading a book and its stuffed to the brim with english slang and self made up slang by the author, for example countries:: italy would be pizza-a-go-go-land and mexico would be sombrero-a-go-go-land, and biology is blodge... etc... so fun!!!

anywayy its late and i need shower xp


alison x

Mischeif Managed!

Farther up and Farther in

so i guess i ve decided this blog thing is worth keeping!! some may say that decision comes later but if you ask me, were a pause or complete stop to appear: laziness is to blame not lack of will to continue.

for any who are confused the title is a narnia reference (the book not the film) its from the last book in the chronicles, The Final Battle, right at the end when they re already in the real narnia (as in heaven). If you know me well enough you d know my generally overactive imagination. It is because of this that books like the chronicles of narnia appeal particularily to me and stick to me as looking back into the browning pages and through the black blots forming together sights sounds tastes textures and feelings feels a lot like looking back at memories of events of the real world, obviously more exciting though. Now to get back on track... well i dont really know what it is about the phrase Aslan shouts to them whilst running just too fast for them to catch up, further into the centre of this beautiful heaven. It just seems to say keep going further, you re not there yet so dont expect everything to be perfect: the answer is farther up and farther in.

so thats about it for tonight i guess, goodnight.


alis (:

Mischeif Managed!

a New Day a New Start

in other words a new chance to convince myself not to not do work not to not study and the works... my mind is an ironic paradox in itself XD i think a lot enjoy facts enough to own about 8 childrens encyclopedias (which have all been read cover to cover XD) and enough to dream of reading a dictionary if i had the patience. YET i seem to be crazy enough to be in form five and still have no clue how to study.

--continuing a day later as my mother wanted the computer--

i am presently watching my sister flail her arms about to excited Tommy xP quite hilarious :) :) chatting with Andee so i d better not leave her... i forgot what else i had planned to write :P


alii x

Mischeif Managed!

The First of a Long Line...

A new year is always considered a fresh start, but it seems to me just the same as the last. This i am not exceptionally pleased about. But I guess i ll try for the sake of trying and one way of doing that, i guess, is trying new things such as starting a blog for instance.
It is hard to imagine that i ll be a regular blogger due to my upcoming O's but Ill need a let out point of all this madness...

alii :)

Mischeif Managed!